If you are about to come to therapy for the first time, you may be carrying a quiet mixture of feelings. Relief that something is finally moving. Apprehension about what you might be expected to say. Curiosity. Embarrassment. A vague sense that you ought to have done this years ago, and a small flicker of doubt about whether you are doing it now for the right reasons.

All of that is welcome in the room. None of it needs to be sorted before you arrive.

This is what a first session with me usually looks like, written in the hope that knowing the shape of it makes the unknown a little less heavy. I have tried to answer the questions people most often ask me at the introductory call, and the quieter ones I have learnt over the years that people tend not to ask but quietly wonder about.

Before we meet

We will usually have spoken briefly on the phone first — a fifteen to twenty minute introductory call so you can hear my voice, ask whatever you would like, and so we can decide together whether it feels like a good fit. There is no commitment in that call. If it does not feel right, we shake hands and you go on your way with my warmest wishes. I will gently suggest two or three other Surrey or online practitioners who might suit you better.

If we both agree to start, we will book the first session. I will send you a short confirmation with the time, the location (Ivy House, 40 Anyards Road, Cobham KT11 2LA) or the secure video link if we are meeting online, and a few small practical notes — how to find the consulting room, where to park, what to do if you arrive early.

You do not need to prepare. You do not need to write anything down. If something happens between the call and the first session that you want to bring, you can simply tell me when you arrive.

Finding the room (and the practical bits)

The Cobham clinic sits at Ivy House on Anyards Road, which is a couple of minutes from the centre of Cobham and easily reached from Esher, Weybridge, Walton-on-Thames, Oxshott, Stoke d’Abernon, Leatherhead, Woking and Guildford. There is on-site parking, and Cobham & Stoke d’Abernon station is a short drive away if you are coming by train.

The waiting space is quiet and discreet. You will not be asked to sign anything in public, and the building is shared with other psychologists and psychotherapists, so being seen there does not in itself say anything about why you are there.

If we are meeting online, all you need is a quiet room where you will not be interrupted for fifty minutes, a stable internet connection, and a device with a working camera and microphone. Most of my clients use a laptop, but a tablet or phone is fine. The video link is encrypted, and the session is not recorded.

What I will ask, and what I will not

I will not hand you a clipboard and ask you to fill in a feelings questionnaire. I will not run through a checklist of symptoms. I will not push you to disclose anything you are not ready to.

I will usually begin by asking what has brought you here, and what you would hope might be different. I will then listen, more than I speak. You can tell me as much or as little as feels right today. We do not need to cover everything in the first session. We need to begin somewhere, together.

I will ask a few quiet questions to help me understand your wider context — what is going on in your life at the moment, who is around you, what you do for work or for caring responsibilities, whether you are currently seeing a GP or taking any medication. None of these are tests. I am building a picture so I can be more useful to you.

If parts of what you are carrying feel too tender to say out loud yet, you can tell me that too. Saying so is its own form of beginning. I will not press you. We will return to it when you are ready, in a session of your choosing.

Common worries about the first session

People sometimes arrive with quiet worries they have not quite voiced. Here are some of the most common, with an honest answer to each.

"What if I cry?" — You may. People often do. I have tissues. It is not embarrassing, and you do not need to apologise. If you do not cry, that is also entirely normal. There is no right way to do this.

"What if I forget what I came to say?" — You probably will, at least partly. That is fine. We can talk about whatever does come up. What feels most urgent in the room is often more useful than the polished version you rehearsed in the car.

"What if I freeze and cannot speak?" — Then we sit together quietly for a while. I will not interrogate you. We can begin slowly. Some people find it easier to talk about something small first — what the journey was like, what brought them to choose Cobham, what they wanted out of today — before the heavier material arrives.

"What if I say something and regret it?" — What is said in the room stays in the room, within the standard professional limits I will explain. You can revisit anything you have said, including telling me you wish you had not said it. We can decide together what to do with it.

"What if you think I am over-reacting?" — I will not. People who fear they are over-reacting are usually under-attending to themselves. The fact that something is troubling you is enough.

How long it lasts and what happens at the end

Sessions are fifty minutes long. Towards the end, I will gently let you know we are coming to a close — usually around the forty-five minute mark — so that there is space for you to settle before you go back into the day. I will not introduce difficult new material in the last few minutes.

We will agree whether you would like to book another session, and we will think briefly about practicalities — frequency (usually weekly, sometimes fortnightly), timing, anything that has come up.

I do not assume after a first session that we will keep working together. We can both take a breath, see how the conversation has felt, and decide. You are free to tell me you would rather find someone else, and I will help you do that.

What you might notice afterwards

For some people, a first session feels lighter than expected — a sense of having been heard, and of something quietly shifting. For others, it stirs more up than they anticipated, and the rest of the day or week can feel softer or sharper than usual. Both are normal, and both are worth bringing back to the room.

You might find yourself thinking about things between sessions. Memories surfacing. Conversations rerunning in your head. That is often where the most useful work begins. It is also worth jotting down anything you would like to return to.

You might equally find that you do not think about the session much at all — that is also fine. The work is doing what it needs to do at its own pace.

If something difficult comes up between sessions, you do not need to wait until the next one to mention it. You can email me to flag it. Many of the things that arrive between sessions are exactly the things that move the work forward.

The early sessions: a slightly wider view

The first four to six sessions tend to have a slightly different shape from the work that follows. We are getting to know each other. You are working out whether you trust me, and how much. I am building a picture of you that goes beyond the headline issue you arrived with.

In those early sessions, you might find we are doing more setting-out than fixing. That is deliberate. The most important thing the first part of therapy does is build enough relational safety that the deeper work can happen. Skipping that step rarely speeds things up.

By around session four or five, we will usually have a clearer sense together of what we are working on, how long it might take, and what would help. We will talk about that openly. The plan can be revised as we go.

Fees and practicalities

Sessions are charged at £85 per session, payable by bank transfer at the end of each session or weekly, whichever you prefer. My cancellation policy is forty-eight hours: cancellations inside that window are charged in full, as the slot has been held for you and cannot easily be re-let. This is standard among UK private therapists and is part of how the work holds.

If you have private medical insurance with Bupa, Aviva, AXA or another major UK provider, it is worth checking your policy before we start. I am not currently a registered provider with all insurers, so reimbursement may need to come through you. I can write whatever documentation is needed.

If money becomes a difficulty during the work, please tell me. It is far better to have an honest conversation about reduced fees, frequency or a pause than to have therapy end abruptly because of cost.

A small word about confidentiality

What we discuss is confidential. I am bound by the BACP Ethical Framework, which I am happy to talk through with you. I have regular clinical supervision — this is a professional requirement and means I will sometimes discuss the work, anonymously, with my supervisor. Your name and identifying details are not shared.

There are a small number of legal exceptions to confidentiality — risk of serious harm to you or to someone else, safeguarding of a child, terrorism legislation, and court order. I will always try to discuss these with you first if they arise. They almost never do.

If you would like to begin

If you have read this far, you are already turning something over. That on its own is meaningful, and you have done more of the difficult bit than you might realise.

You can arrange an introductory call by emailing me at FelicityJaggar@gmail.com or leaving a message on 07923 319800. The introductory call is free, lasts fifteen to twenty minutes, and carries no obligation to take anything further. Whatever you decide, I hope you find what helps.